You ever play a video game where you wish you could have explicit sex along with the typical video game conventions of combat, exploration, getting quests, etc? Well I have. And until now, single player games where I can actually make decisions and have freedom of movement in a virtual world have been separate from explicit sex simulations that keep you boxed in to controlling only that action. I’m sure at least some mainstream game developers want to provide a more realistic experience with sexuality in addition to the violence that permeates nearly every game on store shelves. But those stores, along with advertisers and investors, absolutely freak out when it comes to sex in video games, feeling much less threatened by graphic violence.
Enter Bonetown. Released outside of the traditional distribution methods, this game is a combination of fighting, exploring, and no holds barred sex. It is the game the developers wanted to make, uncensored and loaded with over the top crude humor and colorful characters. You’ll encounter hasidic jewish rednecks, organic hippies with fried brains, and a tribe of bushmen complete with a clucking dialect, among other interesting groups. All walks of life are represented with some requisite stereotyping so check your political correctness at the door and have fun with it. All dialogue is fully voice acted whether you are getting a mission from someone, hearing random comments from passersby ala Grand Theft Auto, or listening to your latest conquest moaning and telling you how she likes it.
The object of the game is to increase the size of your balls, which is represented with a picture and a number in the upper left corner. You do this by taking on missions and hooking up with bitches. Successful missions will extend a meter that allows for a higher potential base rating of your balls. Now that was an awesome sentence if I ever wrote one. To put it more simply, successfully completing missions increases your ball size, which means you can fuck hotter girls. Having a better identity, which I will explain later, can add to both your balls and your fighting ability, i.e. how much damage you can inflict. You can use your fists, but there are variety of unique weapons that will give a substantial advantage.
So when you start out, and your balls are little to none in stature, you will be lucky to get with the fattest of fatties. You can approach any slut on the street or in a bar or anywhere really and ask for the goods. You have a choice of angling for a blow job, sex, or anal; and their likelihood of saying yes goes down in that order, just like in real life. But they won’t say yes at all until you get some better mojo happening, and that means fighting and stealing identies. Just like hitting on the girls, you can fight any of the random dudes wandering around. If you win they may drop a weapon that will help make the next fight easier, along with some cash and other useful items. When they’re down on the ground some numbers flash at the top left to indicate how you’re current identity stacks up to their’s. If their’s is better you steal it with the click of a button and in a flash you look and sound like they did, with your stats increased appropriately. It’s great to hear all the crazy shit you say depending on what type of character you take on. Asking for anal sex from a random chick is completely different if you’re a black pimp vs a federal agent.
It doesn’t take long to have your way with all the fat sluts, and who knows, maybe you’re into that sort of thing. Hey, at least they have big tits. But if it’s hotties you want, you need to complete missions, which are spread out among the various areas of the game world. Successfully completing a mission rewards you with a healthier ball size and a unique sex scene, like fucking a hippy chick with a huge organic carrot. Then you won’t get turned down by girls who are just… thick, and eventually you’ll get to the slender hotties.
Various drugs and alcohol can be found or purchased and each of these gives a temporary boost in some way. For example a quick toke of your crack pipe makes you run like the cops was on your ass. These items also serve as ammo for various powerups you gain as you defeat bosses. You don’t need to fight the bosses if you don’t want to, but the powerups you gain, like being able to breathe fire using whiskey, can be instrumental in completing some of the missions, which admittedly can be frustrating as hell. Expect a fair amount of trial and error. The missions are usually in two parts, and if you fail the second, thankfully you can just start the mission from that point.
Each section is fairly large and offers a variety of timed mini games, where you can win some cash. The arcade tradition of finding 25 of the same item is alive and well here, and each area has its own collection of tokens tucked away here and there. Likewise you can also find useful drugs and alcohol items or you can pay dealers. However there are plenty of stretches where there isn’t a whole lot to do except travel. Each section has a save area that you can bounce over to save your progress when you like. The graphics are cartoonish and easy on the eyes. The characters are all on the short size, but if you understand that you’re playing a game, you can see that the girls are sexy and have nice bouncy boobs.
The sense of freedom may not be anything revolutionary, but it is enhanced by being able to bang any girl of any body type at any time. They’ll give it to you on the street, on the beach, or on the dancefloor, assuming you’ve got the sack to get lucky. If you just want to jump in to the sex you can do that from the main menu with the fantasy option, where there’s a harem of girls who will always say yes, as well as all the unique sex encounters you’ve unlocked so far. The sex part is not challenging, you simply keep a couple bars in line with her’s, and hope your stamina doesn’t drop before she cums. The animations look real, with bodies moving exactly as expected as the speed of the action increases. You can give her a satisfying slap on the ass, or grab her head for a little gagging while she’s polishing your knob. During sex you can have your character spit out random funny or degrading phrases unique to the identity you have. The girls also have a lot of different comments and moans and it nevers seems repetitive.
The dynamic of this game finally gets the whole making a sex game an actual game correct. The sex is the reward; the rest of the game is the challenge to getting that reward, and it’s actually kind of fun. I want to say this is the best sex game currently out there, but it might be the only one. The truth is that Bonetown is the only sex game so far that gets it right. Highly recommended.